At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
