can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
