you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
