Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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