i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
