I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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