Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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