I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
