I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
