You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
