I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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