he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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