i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
