Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
