i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
