I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this will be a night to untag.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
