Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize