So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize