i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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