i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
