Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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