He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
