There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
