My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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