i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
