While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
