fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
