I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
