They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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