ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
