I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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