I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
