Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
