Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
