I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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