I wish I only lived at night.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
