I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
