I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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