youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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