he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
