I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
