the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
