Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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