I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize