I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
