Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
