I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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