I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need moral support for this bender
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
