Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
