He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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