Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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