fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
