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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Feel free to use me as a reference.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive

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• (631): View more from New York

  Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.

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• (674): View more from

  So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom

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