You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
