well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
