Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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