I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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