I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
