I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
