bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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