I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
