About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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