And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
