Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
