Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
