I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drake has all the answers
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
