Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
